Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
