conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
