fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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