garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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