My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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