I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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