well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
