Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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