its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize