Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
