so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
