I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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