Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize