I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
