Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize