God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
