For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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