Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
