pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
