they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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