So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize