No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Who died my cat blue again?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
