dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
