It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
