What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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