i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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