someone threw a dead crab at me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize