Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
