I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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