this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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