So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
