In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
