dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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