her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize