I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
