dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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