Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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