Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
