That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
