I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
