Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
