I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
