I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
