i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
