By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
