it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
