i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
