when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
