The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
