Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
