just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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