The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
