Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
