using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pants are for mortals
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
