I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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