what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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