I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
