Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
