mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
