So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize