i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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