Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i out mim tonsoeep
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
