He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
