He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
