Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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