I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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