So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
