I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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