i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just googled if crying burns calories
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
