She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
