I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's Friday. Sex?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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